tonight.

Tonight.
I feel a bit jealous. I feel a bit overlooked. A bit out of the loop. A bit passed over. A bit disappointed.

I know.................
Everything in it's season. Everything according to His will. Everything to His glory. Everything will be just fine.

Until then.....
I wait. I worship. I am thankful. I appreciate. I live. I take in what I'm blessed to receive. I focus on Him. I focus on him. I focus on them. I focus on life as it is today.

I won't....
I worry. I won't be angry. I won't be bitter - I will myself not to be. I won't turn away. I won't deny. I won't reject.

I will....
Listen. Obey. Focus. Love. Embrace. Help. Serve. Do. Be. Smile. Capture. Cooperate. Read. Write. Pray. Drink {{water}}. Be happy.

Tonight is a bit harder but I Know..... {{Phil 4:4. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. 2 Corinthians 12:9. Romans 8:28.Matthew 6:10. Hebrews 13:5}} so Until then this is what I focus on. I won't be disracted but I will focus on His joy, His truth, His love, His grace, His blessings, His life, His Word.

Tonight I know I will grow into who He wants me to be just a little bit more. I know that until "then", He will be by my side, working "it" out and loving me, shaping me, creating me into who He wants to me to be so that I can be most effective for Him. I won't run from it, reject it, ignore it, hide it, smother it, or deny it. I will embrace it & allow Him room to work. I will be content with my husband sleeping/snoring on the floor, the cartoons on my TV, the pizza on my stove, the peace, the craziness, the busy-ness (not to be confused with business)..... I will allow the frustrations, disappointments, & hurts to rub me wrong so that the thin skin, impatience, & insecurities will be sloughed away.

Tonight, I will focus on tonight. Tomorrow has enough to worry about itself and I refuse to allow what is not even here to fog this peaceful night.

Oh!
And, I'm extra thankful that my patience is expanding, my capacity & ability to truly forgive is growing, and that I don't stress or get bogged down like I used to. Takes a lot of pressure off.

And....
I am no holy roller.
I do love Jesus - I'm kind of a freak about it. I work hard to be better daily.
But I am fighting a battle just like you.
Actively. Publically. Privately. Constantly.
It's unforgiving. Brutal. Victorious. Amazing. Hard. Exhausting. One step forward, three steps back at times. Lonely. Humbling. Loving. Peaceful. Noisy. Frustrating. Tiresome. Unfair. Painful. Comforting. All at different times. All at the same time. But, beneficial and ultimately rewarding in the end.

I am no picture of perfection. I am no better than...... but probably much worse.

Tonight is peaceful.