Drawn to the Light

Disclaimer: I am aware that this could read as if I am living a total and complete miserable life. This is not true. We all have peaks and pits. And, although life is on the up-swing I have issues I struggle with. I find that while in the darkest of places, and upon coming into the light from those places, is when we learn the most about life, God, who we are, and the truth about all three.

CONTINUE.

I love flowers.

Not ALL flowers but most.... each kind has a unique beauty to be rivaled by the next. They have their own personality - each requires different care, different lighting, some have longer lives than others. Some, once they die, "hold up" better than others - daisies die and their petals fall away. Roses die but although their color fades and they are fragile, their petals and shape are kept in tact.

I have come into the habit of buying flowers for our home weekly (..ish. lol) and this week I bought a bouquet of Passionate Purple Tulips and have found them to be quite interesting.

Tulips are drawn to the light.

In order to bloom, whether in a dimly lit area or the darkest of rooms, tulips will lean towards light.

It's in them to desire light. To desire light, search for it, and lean towards it. Tulips bend their stems to reach even the least amount of light. The bloom of the tulip will almost face downward if that's where the light pulls it - in order to bloom.

A flower desires light so much so that it will go against it's natural order to grow upright in order to bloom and to live - it searches, desires, and goes against itself to reach light.

Are we really any different?

I think in many ways, of any other flower no matter how beautiful - I'd like to immulate a tulip. No matter what happens, no matter how troublesome this life can be, no matter how difficult a situation I could ever be in - I can always walk in the light. Because of our sinful nature we are programmed to pretty much self destruct (as sin leads to death) and because of The Light, I can reject my selfishness, leave behind my desires to handle everything on my own, and allow myself to be put in a position to be affected by the only thing that can save my life. The only thing that can ease my restless spirit. The only true comfort I will ever know.

A light in darkness.

A hope that never disappoints.

A faith that can move mountains.

A never ending relationship that will bring a peace, comfort, and joy that will give you peace in any storm.

A love that accepts you no matter who or where you've been and will never revisit your past.

A Savior who loves me so much He sacrificed His own self in order to allow me to be His friend.

Because of this Light, I know that no matter how dark a situation may seem - if I am facing The Light, I will grow, I will bloom. I can live despite all the darkness that is around me. I will be successful. I will overcome.

Because of this Light, I am growing into an unwavering faith that keeps me reaching, yearning, and pulling myself closer and closer towards Him.

Because of the Light, I can endure and continue. Knowing that when I bend to Him - I will not break. The pain of the "bend" won't be in vain.

James 1:2-4

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Hebrew 11:1

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Now. If this still reads sullen, depressing, and terrible - refrain from passing me a Xanex. I'm fine. Understand, that in the midst of an overall great life - trials come and go. And, I'm learning how to deal with them. Joyfully. I see the bigger picture and get through it.

He is....

My wonderful husband.......

He was terribly sick a couple of weeks ago with fever, aches, chills, and a sore throat..... seems like I caught the sore throat bug and haven't been feeling very well since last night.

This morning, I woke up to him asking me if I needed anything and he went for a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up soup and meds. As he was unpacking the groceries, I thought about how wonderful he is. How caring, patient, and loving he is. How happy I am that he is exactly who he is. With the good and the bad he is such an awesome husband and truly does his best to be the very best he can.

I see it. I see his growth - how he's matured over the past four years we've been together and the last 15 months we've been married. I love how time has affected us for the better - it's matured us as individuals, partners, spouses, and people in general. We've changed and grown so much and a large part of that is due to him.

I am so thankful for him... it's ridiculous. I absolutely could not imagine my life without him..... and to hurt him would be to commit suicide - I know that. To hurt him would be to hurt us, to hurt myself, our past, our future, everything we've worked for/towards.... everything we have accomplished thus far. I'dhate to hurt him in thought, word, or actions - I hate to cause him pain.
So, I work every day (sometimes more actively than others .... ??) to be better to him and better for him..... I work to find ways to be more respectful in my tone, reactions, and words. I work to learn to be more "on top of things" so that I'm a true "helpmate" instead of a reactor to what happen or a casual bystader & onlooker to our life. I try to be the best wife, homemaker, housekeeper, helper, chef (hehe), caretaker that I can so that he can be the best he can.
I understand my place in our home and in his life and don't mind serving him so that he can be the best in his role. I am very diligent (again, at times more actively than others!) to be the best helper as I can...... I don't mind.

He is wonderful. He is the true example of Christ in our home. He is everything and nothing I hoped for.

He is my husband.

tonight.

Tonight.
I feel a bit jealous. I feel a bit overlooked. A bit out of the loop. A bit passed over. A bit disappointed.

I know.................
Everything in it's season. Everything according to His will. Everything to His glory. Everything will be just fine.

Until then.....
I wait. I worship. I am thankful. I appreciate. I live. I take in what I'm blessed to receive. I focus on Him. I focus on him. I focus on them. I focus on life as it is today.

I won't....
I worry. I won't be angry. I won't be bitter - I will myself not to be. I won't turn away. I won't deny. I won't reject.

I will....
Listen. Obey. Focus. Love. Embrace. Help. Serve. Do. Be. Smile. Capture. Cooperate. Read. Write. Pray. Drink {{water}}. Be happy.

Tonight is a bit harder but I Know..... {{Phil 4:4. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. 2 Corinthians 12:9. Romans 8:28.Matthew 6:10. Hebrews 13:5}} so Until then this is what I focus on. I won't be disracted but I will focus on His joy, His truth, His love, His grace, His blessings, His life, His Word.

Tonight I know I will grow into who He wants me to be just a little bit more. I know that until "then", He will be by my side, working "it" out and loving me, shaping me, creating me into who He wants to me to be so that I can be most effective for Him. I won't run from it, reject it, ignore it, hide it, smother it, or deny it. I will embrace it & allow Him room to work. I will be content with my husband sleeping/snoring on the floor, the cartoons on my TV, the pizza on my stove, the peace, the craziness, the busy-ness (not to be confused with business)..... I will allow the frustrations, disappointments, & hurts to rub me wrong so that the thin skin, impatience, & insecurities will be sloughed away.

Tonight, I will focus on tonight. Tomorrow has enough to worry about itself and I refuse to allow what is not even here to fog this peaceful night.

Oh!
And, I'm extra thankful that my patience is expanding, my capacity & ability to truly forgive is growing, and that I don't stress or get bogged down like I used to. Takes a lot of pressure off.

And....
I am no holy roller.
I do love Jesus - I'm kind of a freak about it. I work hard to be better daily.
But I am fighting a battle just like you.
Actively. Publically. Privately. Constantly.
It's unforgiving. Brutal. Victorious. Amazing. Hard. Exhausting. One step forward, three steps back at times. Lonely. Humbling. Loving. Peaceful. Noisy. Frustrating. Tiresome. Unfair. Painful. Comforting. All at different times. All at the same time. But, beneficial and ultimately rewarding in the end.

I am no picture of perfection. I am no better than...... but probably much worse.

Tonight is peaceful.

Whew..... Where have I been?

I haven't blogged in such a long time..... I'm not sure if it's because I've been so busy or if I've been kinda preoccupied and hibernating in my own mind.

So much has happened and gone on....... But, the most exciting this month (so far) has been celebrating my sorority sister's little bundle (who has yet to arrive) and my good friend's baby who just turned 1!!

Both events were so fun and precious!!! It was such a great time with friends!

Here are my fave pix from both events!!

This is Michelle and surrounded by our sorority sisters!

This is the ONE picture I've edited since Baby Audrey's first birthday party..... I have known her since her mommy found out she was pregnant and love her to bits and pieces. How time flies.

...... babies and birthdays - life doesn't get much better than that!